When’s the last time you found yourself with no GPS signal (and no map) yet you managed to find your destination?  Likely you relied on your instincts because what else could you do?  

Instinct is our inclination to act in a certain way, and it comes from both innate (inborn) as well as learned elements through impressions and experiences -- like connecting dots without knowing how.  

Some of our most memorable leaders trust their instincts. Malcolm Gladwell, author of “Blink” wrote: "Great decision makers aren't those who process the most."  This runs contrary to what most people think--the more we analyze, the better our decision.  We see this at work and we know doing so underplays our instincts.

Sri Sharma, founder and managing director of Net Media Planet, calls instinct his “personal radar” …"Often the data you analyse confirms the instinct of your personal radar, but it can't replace it. Instinct is vital."  While data is important, it’s not the answer.  Our interpretation is.  

The balance between insight and instinct is key for managers. We must rely on instinct, while keeping emotions in check since emotional responses may blind us to our instincts.  

How do we access them more readily? By getting out of our heads through engaging in new learning experiences. Like our “Learning from Leaders” program delivered online AND face to face.  Designed by 3 professional consultants in English, Swedish and German, Eva P Svensson, Heike Andreschak and I invite you to give it a try!   

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Working with people who hold diverse views can be challenging.  While there are some definite advantages-- there are some important caveats to consider as well.

Let’s start with why diverse teams are potentially smarter and higher performing:

• They’re more likely to be objective, revisiting facts from various perspectives.  
• Because they’re exposed to others’ views, they become more aware of their own biases while keeping one another ‘in check’.  
• They may be better at decision-making because they are forced to consider views that may, at first glance, seem counterintuitive.  
• There’s far less risk of falling into the “conformity trap” which can stifle innovative thinking.  

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Trusting someone can feel like a bit of a gamble.  After all, we’re not mind readers, but we do try to figure out if others are trustworthy.   It takes time to build trust, often requiring a series of repeated interactions and experiences.  These days not only is time a precious commodity, but the opportunity for meaningful interactions is limited, especially at work.

Yet we all know that trust is at the core of success, for employees, colleagues, teams, and entire organizations.  The pandemic has made gaining trust even more challenging with people worldwide working from home.  It’s different, it’s stressful, and it leaves little time to strengthen key relationships in the office. 

As a coach and consultant, I too work from home and must build that all-too-critical rapport through zoom.  Although we see one another on zoom, it’s hard to pick up the nuances that characterize our interactions when we’re physically in the same room.  

Onboarding during Covid is another great example in which reaching out and establishing mutual trust early on is essential.  Even though we know how important it is to express, acknowledge, invite and share our joys and concerns with others, it’s very challenging to do that remotely with people with whom we have had little face time.  

Recent studies reveal that although acknowledging/sharing our negative emotions (things that bother us) leads to stronger connections with others, it doesn’t happen as often as would be beneficial because people simply don’t feel comfortable doing so (“Can I trust these people?”), and it takes too long (“We don't have time for this, we have ‘real’ work to do…”) 

So here we are.  The need for trust is greater than ever because most of us are working remotely, yet time is running, and it takes even longer to develop trust than it did when we most of us were in the office.  So, what can you do? Well…

• Demonstrating competence and delivering high quality results will help build trust in your capabilities.
• Being specific, listening actively (with intent to learn) and demonstrating empathy go a long way in building trust in your communication
• Acting with integrity, living by your moral principles, and communicating honestly and openly builds trust in your level of commitment

Still, one of the most important types of trust remains the most elusive—and time consuming.  In my work, I need to get to the heart of the matter quickly for my clients. I need to gain their trust early on, and sometimes it can take time for them to open up.  

I have begun using a unique type of assessment that enables me to read between the lines with ease.  I can understand with whom I’m engaging in very little time, which enables us to “get down to business” quickly.  Not only have I applied it in my 1:1 interactions, but I’ve invited entire teams to complete it and the outcomes have been remarkable.

Team members can easily compare and contrast their similarities and differences with any other team member without fear or judgement.  They begin to understand what’s behind a colleagues’ behavior, viewing it with appreciation rather than annoyance.  An holistic view of the entire team enables them to see their collective strengths and gaps, providing an open platform for exploration driven by compassion, curiosity and commitment.  

I love this tool for its simplicity and comprehensiveness.  Other tools seem too prescriptive for my taste. I don’t much like being labeled as a color or a box. This tool prompts people to think more deeply about who they are and why they do what they do.  And provides me with enough information to get a sense of the person with whom I’m speaking.  

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What’s ahead for you and leaders like you?

That depends upon whether you’re willing to think “personal and collective transformation”.  Transformation must begin with leaders—and their teams.  

Of the nearly 4400 global leaders participating in a research study conducted by MIT Sloan Management Review in collaboration with Cognizant, less than 10% believe their company’s leadership has the right skills to prosper going forward.  The study explored how the future of leadership is being influenced by changes in our society, work and the nature of competition and what needs to change as the future unfolds.  My focus is on the need for leaders to be more open and self-reflective, encouraging the same for all those within their sphere of influence. Their research supports that need!

Many of the terms we may view as mere buzzwords, are not.  Things like transparency, authenticity, collaboration, and empathy mean something for leaders who are on the rise.  Taking it a step further, the study underscores the importance of longstanding attributes that many have been lost along the way—integrity, trust, honesty, inspiration… all critical elements too.  

Mindset is at the core for leaders looking to create leadership among the ranks.  They work to identify, encourage and leverage individual talents and capabilities and they do so by paying attention to some very specific behaviors critical to their success:  Nurturing passion, demonstrating authenticity and empathy, behaving in an inclusive way, being humble, being purpose-driven, and working beyond “perceived’ boundaries.  

The ‘what’ is always easier than the ‘how’ but it begins with an open, honest, 360 degree, unfiltered assessment.  If you can live with the answers, if you can see them for what they are—an opportunity to transform and grow, helping others to do the same, you will be happier, healthier, and undoubtedly more successful…

Source:  D. Ready, C. Cohen, D. Kiron, and B. Pring, “The New Leadership Playbook for the Digital Age,” MIT Sloan Management Review, January 2020.

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Has anyone ever called you crazy for your ideas?  

If yes, you’re off and running. Some say one predictor of success is having an idea that makes other people squirm.  Because intuition leads us to make connections others may miss.  And although we won’t always be right, we are being real. 

But intuition alone is insufficient. Brain science says we still need field experience and knowledge combined with skill, planning and management to bring our intuitive ideas to fruition.  

Consider Uber.  CEO Travis Kalanick got plenty of pushback when he wanted to charge more for service during high demand times.  People were angry but he stuck with his idea and now his “dynamic pricing” approach is an integral part of Uber’s business—so much so that other companies are trying out the concept.  Or take the Sierra Club’s President, Adam Werback who took on a consulting engagement for WalMart. People scorned him, saying he was selling out as a conservationist.  But his intuition led him to pursue change from the inside of Walmart--- which he did by introducing their Personal Sustainability Project resulting in some 40+% of their employees embracing sustainability practices. 

So being able to make tough decisions based on intuition is a key quality of great leaders.  If you’re feeling hesitant, you’re not alone.  Try taking the leap of faith and you may just be surprised by where you land!

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Were you recently promoted to a management position? 

If the answer is “yes”, your promotion may have been based on your stellar record as a technical expert.  And while it likely feels great to be recognized for your accomplishments, the experience can also be both overwhelming and stressful since many newly promoted managers don’t yet have the experience, tools or knowledge to support, guide and develop a team effectively.  

Before your promotion, your education and acquired skills were directly applicable to what you were being asked to do in your day to day but all that’s changed.  Now you’re faced with “less tangible” challenges for which you may be feeling ill-equipped to address.  Things may have seemed straightforward on the surface but you’re not achieving the outputs you need.  You’re coming face to face with the fact that your promotion was much more than a simple change in your title…

Take a pause and reflect a moment.  Remember that you were promoted because of your POTENTIAL.  In other words, you have a set of strengths that were deemed important by your leadership for your success as a manager.  The first thing to do is take stock of those strengths and play to them…

What are yours?  Are you a good problem solver?  A good listener?  Do people tend to trust you and open up?  Do you think critically?  Are you analytical or are you adept at seeing the bigger picture?  Whatever your strengths are, the find a way to leverage and express them in YOUR unique approach to leading.  Start by thinking about what got you where you are now. For example:

·      You likely figured things out on your own rather than running to someone else for answers.  Likewise, not only are you not expected to have all the answers, by allowing your team members to work through problems on their own first, discovering at least parts of the solution--you’ll be giving them an important opportunity to develop. 

·      What’s your approach to parsing out the work?  Are you someone who takes a directive approach and tells people what needs to be done? Or are you more hands off?  Some think that delegating is about telling people what to do and waiting for them to report back.  If you’ve tried that you’ve likely been sorely disappointed.  Delegation is another great development opportunity.  But there are a few bases you need to cover first:

1.    When defining the outcome, invite your direct reports to weigh in and be part of the process.

2.    Make sure you are crystal clear about what you expect in terms of periodic check-ins (when, how, how often, under what circumstances…)

3.    Communicate, discuss, define and align around any other expectations (behaviors, conflict management, deadlines…)

4.    Dare to trust.  This is fundamental.  If you fail to let your team know you trust them to deliver, they will likely fail to deliver.  Even worse, they may not trust you in return. So assume the best intentions and if things go awry, you can address it then.  

5.    One thing the most successful leaders do early on is begin grooming a successor.  I know that may seem like a strange thing to be thinking about, but you’ll need someone good under you to be able to move up more easily when the time comes, or free you up to address more strategic issues, or even help maintain the status quo when you’re out of the office.   Somehow, thinking about how your team will run without you helps gain perspective on what needs to be done, and what the team’s potential actually looks like.  

6.    Don’t forget to focus upward too.  You were likely an influential force before you were promoted so make sure to continue leveraging that skill as you “manage up”.  Behave with your direct manager in the same way (you hope) your team members will behave with you.

·      Don’t lose faith.  This is an important stage in your professional development—one that requires you to think differently and deeply about your core strengths, your values, and how you want to show up to your leaders, your peers and your employees. 

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Is Self-Validation Overrated?  I think not…

These days people are so busy running from one commitment to another that they have little time to reflect on their inner thoughts, experiences, or feelings—let alone accept them—which is at the heart of self-validation.  Think for a moment of someone at work who always seems to need affirmation and attention. Or maybe you have a colleague who comes across as overly dramatic or negative, looking to criticize.  Often, it’s because when we can’t self-validate (acknowledge and accept our thoughts/feelings), we try to get others to do it for us through our (often annoying and disruptive) behavior.  As you might well imagine, that’s not very productive.  

Why is self-validation so important?  Because when we don’t make space for our thoughts/feelings/experiences (by denying, ignoring or arguing against them) our internal pressure builds.  Sometimes this pressure implodes causing us deep distress until we process whatever it was that triggered us.  Sometimes it erupts outwardly, and we behave atypically with colleagues and employees—again, feeling calmer in the wake of the eruption (even if we’ve created a rift with our co-workers in the process). In both cases, the effect can be long-lasting as it ripples out and influences many aspects of our lives. So being able to let things in and out again, brings us to a more balanced, calm and grounded state.  

The key is acknowledgement.  When we have thoughts and feelings that don’t reflect our core values, or we know deep down that they are simply  not true or are unjustified, and if we fight it and judge ourselves for having them, we upset our emotional balance and forego the opportunity to learn something about ourselves.  We aren’t able to ask ourselves: “What’s really behind those thoughts?”  “What’s driving me to feel this way and WHY?”  That’s why it is so important for us as facilitators to create a safe environment where EVERYONE is able to explore their triggers together.  And with the help of the horses, all judgment fades away and what emerges is understanding, empathy and support.

So acknowledgement is all it takes.  The problem is that we’ve all created so many behavioral expectations--particularly at work--that no one wants to ‘break the mold’ by expressing or acknowledging what they’re really thinking.  The good news is we don’t really have to cry, laugh, shriek or yell—all we have to do is INTERNALLY acknowledge what’s there. Once we self-acknowledge, the feelings begin to let go. We can always open the valve later and do our shrieking, laughing, crying or yelling if we still feel the need. ☺  However, there are a few things to keep in mind for learning to better self-validate:

1.   Allow yourself to experience intense feelings without pushing them away. Simply ponder it—nothing more.  Just be present to them. There is no need or expectation to act-- only to be present to them without judgement.  Sometimes when we’re working with horses it triggers something within us that becomes evident in our body language and/or posture. Take the time to get curious about what’s behind the feeling.

2.   Try to name the feeling. Think about the trigger and where it shows up in your body. Is it stuck in your gut? Throat? Neck? Think about when the situation occurred.  No need to act on it, just observe.

3.   Think about how someone else might feel in the same situation.  Or think about how you’d like to react—even if it’s inappropriate. It will help you understand what’s coming up and why. Sometimes giving it your best guess when you’re struggling to name it works surprisingly well.

4.   Consider past events that have triggered the same reactions or feelings. Sometimes, when we can identify a pattern, the puzzle begins to resolve, and we begin to understand the trigger. Is there something in the horse’s response that has triggered you?  When else have you felt that way?  What did you do about it?  What ELSE could you do?

5.   Let go of “should or shouldn’t” because everyone experiences emotions all the time.  There’s no right or wrong here. Follow the horses’ lead.  One minute they respond and the next minute they “go back to grazing”. 

6.   Be painfully honest with YOURSELF and then get comfortable with being YOU.  I once was told “We are not our patterns OR our behaviors”.  Those, we can change, but we cannot and never want to change who we are… 

Lastly, validating others helps us with self-validation.  Because when we are generous in our validation of others, we somehow learn how to self-validate and become stronger.  We learn that emotions are information providing us with valuable clues to what’s really important for us, what we care about most, what we want to safeguard and how we want to move through the world. It’s not about judging one’s thoughts/feelings as appropriate or inappropriate, it’s simply about acknowledging them as legitimate and honest, giving those thoughts space to exist for right now. And what we do for others, we must learn to do for ourselves…

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How can we lead others until we know how to lead ourselves?  Many of us have fallen victim to an inexperienced or otherwise challenging manager—someone who is responsible for our wellbeing and our output but seems to have difficulty engaging his/her team. It seems to be true what people say--”You can’t lead others until you know how to lead yourself!”  

What does it take to get good at self-leadership?  First, it typically entails taking time to reflect – preferably in an environment where one can relax and think. In fact, we often have our best insights to problems, challenges and questions when we take a break by ‘leaving the scene’ and changing the environment.  And passing the time with a herd of horses seems to be just what people need to detach, refocus, reflect, recharge and…reframe. 

So what are the fundamentals of self-leadership?  First, we must learn to deeply and thoroughly LISTEN to ourselves and others—not the idle mind chatter that flows through in and out of our  heads constantly or the attention we give to the tension or aches our body is experiencing. Listening is “active”—it’s about what we DO with what we hear.  Do we ignore it? Do we acknowledge and then act upon it?  Do we respond to it with the same consideration we would to someone close to us? 

Self-leadership is first about listening inward with real intention and attention to what you hear, and to actively decide whether or not you choose to act upon it.  Our work with horses is centered upon being totally present to what we’re thinking, feeling and experiencing at any given moment—both psychologically and physically. (After all, because of their size and nobility, they are hard to ignore.)  

Another key aspect is that horses typically communicate with us non-verbally, requiring us to tune in to and act upon what we see, experience and even intuit when we’re with them in a way that sharpens those skills for our communication with others.  Once we get accustomed to tuning in in this very focused, yet more comprehensive manner, we learn to find the best ways to express what we’re ‘hearing’, making it much easier to take action.

How much do you know about your strengths?  HOW do you know what they are?  It’s no surprise to learn that we all do our best work when we’re PLAYING TO OUR STRENGTHS.  But that assumes we have an accurate assessment of what those strengths are.  While we might experience self-satisfaction when applying what we believe is a strength, we can learn a lot about our strengths from feedback.  Sometimes we have hidden strengths, and sometimes we’re blind to our gaps, perhaps even thinking they’re actually our strengths. 

You might say that feedback is merely someone’s perceptions-- and you would be right.  But perceptions count.  All good leaders care about how they are being perceived.  It’s very important information which we can choose to act upon-- or not.  But knowing how we stand out enables us to leverage those strengths—and being aware of our gaps relative to others means that we have a great opportunity to either work to close them, or learn to compensate for them.  A Vice President from a global IT company brought her team to me.  She was engaged in an exercise 1:1 with a horse who eventually became disengaged and then anxious.  The VP was visibly upset and became (even more) demanding. When nothing helped, she suddenly rounded in on herself and put her head in her hands.  She then walked over to her team and said “I am so sorry.  I now see that this is exactly what I do to all of you. When I’m frustrated and not getting the results I want, I become upset and demanding, making you anxious as a result.  Please forgive me…”

It’s not easy to do this work on our own. We all need a little help from time to time.  Some of us will engage the services of a MENTOR/COACH to challenge us, and in doing so, they support us in our process.  If they’re good, they reflect back to us how we may be perceived by others in ways we might never have known on our own.  In horse-assisted leadership development, the horses often informally assume the role of mentor in that they quietly but clearly provide feedback to us about what’s working and what’s not in a way that just cannot be ignored.   

For example, we’ve all experienced someone we believe behaves with arrogance. Maybe s/he is a brilliant colleague who doesn’t seem to value others’ knowledge. Or perhaps there’s a manager who thinks s/he has all the answers. It’s likely that we too have elements of arrogance within us.  Well, you can be sure your equine “mentor” will set the record straight.  Self-leadership is about becoming aware of all of our limiting thoughts, feelings, stories, beliefs and actions—and addressing them as they become known to us.  That’s where the horses do their best work.  

But it’s not all about “fixing” our gaps.  It’s also recognizing what we need to succeed. I wonder how many of us ever gave it much thought...  Our preferences for HOW we work are likely hard-wired to some degree so it’s worth learning more about those preferences so we can honor them.  In addition, it’s important to understand how we learn best.  Are we visual learners? Auditory? Do we learn better as part of a team?  Alone?  Do we prefer specific directives which we can then follow to the letter? Or do we like to find our own path to the goals that have been established for us? Do we enjoy playing an advisory role or do we thrive most when we’re the decision-maker?  All these choices, and more, are part of how we like to learn.  And they matter—a lot.

In our team exercises with the horses, participants experiment with wearing different hats and assuming different roles, from leader to follower to supporter to bystander,  often understanding more deeply where they feel most comfortable and in what roles/situations they thrive.  What makes these exercises so powerful is that there is no judgement because, after all, they’re not in the office—they’re in a field with horses!  But make no mistake about it, the insights they experience find their way deep within and take hold…

And then there are relationships for which every leader must take responsibility.  When we’re working closely with ANYONE—manager, employees, colleagues, clients, service providers—the more we know about who and how they are, the better able we will be to create the most harmonious and successful relationships.  This of course, means we must accept them for who they are—complete with their strengths, their foibles, their work approach—their values.  After all, they have as much right to be who they are as we do to be who WE are.  Learning as much as we can about others enables us to leverage their strengths, values, ways of working, and more to our mutual advantage. 

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Reciprocity is an integral part of building relationships.  Without it, there will BE no relationship, which is why it is the foundation of all relationships...

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Mindfulness

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Almost as hard as CULTIVATING TRUST, is DEFINING it.  Our perspective on the meaning of trust influences who one defines it.  

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Do you ever wish you could get away with sticking your tongue out at someone like we may have done when we were kids? 

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When is the last time you were derailed by something in your immediate environment?

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How do our blind spots influence our decisions and actions?

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Stepping back from the stress of our day to day to reconnect from time to time is vital... 

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What Happens When Leaders Slow Their Pace?

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